Letter To Soulmate

Dear Soulmate

I don't know where you are, but I know you exist. I feel you in my heart and I see you in my dreams. Only once in our life, we find someone who can completely turn our world around, I believe you're that one for me. I want to be the one with whom you would share things that you never shared with another soul, and believe me I would absorb everything you say and would actually want to hear more. I want you to share your dreams with me that will never come true, your goals that were never achieved, and many disappointments life has thrown at you, and I promise I won't make fun of you, I will comfort you and share my portion of disappointments with you.

I want our love to be so deep that when something wonderful happens, I couldn't wait to tell you about it, knowing that you will share in my excitement and would be happy for me.

I won't be embarrassed to cry with you, when you're hurt, or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. I won't ever hurt your feelings, or make you feel like you're not good enough. Rather, I would build you up and show you things about yourself that would make you feel special and beautiful.

There will never be any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when we will be with each other. You will be yourself and I will be myself, and not a worry as to what others think of us, as we love each other for who we are, and all that matters to us is that we are with each other for who we actually are.

A note to each other, a song dedication, a walk in the street, are some of the insignificant things for most people. But to us, these will be invaluable treasure of feelings kept safe in our hearts to cherish forever.

Memories of childhood will come back to us when we will have our kids, they will be so clear and vivid that we will be kids once again, everything will seem to celebrate our love, colours will become more brighter, seasons will become more brilliant, and we will be more in love with each other.

When we will be having tough day at work, a call or message from the other one will be enough to get us through the day and bring a sweet smile that will linger on our lips for the rest of the day. Laughter that was once very infrequent will become a part of our daily life.

When we will be with each other, there will be no need for continuous conversation, we will be more than content in just having each other nearby.

Things that were once mundane, boring and uninteresting for me, will suddenly become special for me, as they will be important for you. I will think of you in every occasion and in everything I do. Even the simplest things like pale blue sky, gentle wind, or even a storm cloud on the horizon will make me miss you.

I have been hurt in love, I have closed my heart for so long. But, I have realised that being vulnerable is the only way to allow our heart to feel the true pleasure of love. My only strength is in knowing that one day I will have you in my life, you who will love me till the end of the eternity and beyond, you who will be my best friend, you who is my soulmate.

Sometimes I gaze up at the stars, and I feel comforted because I know somewhere you're staring upon the same sparkling stars searching for me. Often while watching the moon, I become lost in thoughts of you and I, and the life we will someday share.

Will today be the day you find me?

All my Love

Your Soulmate

Abused Daughter-In-Law

Irrespective of religion, caste or creed, a daughter-in-law is psychologically, physically and financially abused, because of these main reasons.

1. OUTSIDER TAG:
The main reason for evil is the lack of acceptance of a daughter-in-law as part of the family. Families keep daughter-in-law out of discussions pertaining to family matters. Husband and his parents, talk secretly in a room while the daughter-in-law is made to watch TV, because she is an "outsider".
The really ironic part is that, these people can give amazing views on untouchability, and yet they treat their daughter-in-law as one, in their own home!

2. INSECURE PARENTS:
Parents of the Husband are so insecure, that they are often seen lamenting that "that women took away our son". It's time to accept it that parents in general are selfish, so let's keep the "selfless love tag aside". They "invest" time, money, and love on a son, so he can repay by taking care of them in their old-age. The finer print to this is, they expect him to behave like an obedient 5-year old kid till they die! They just get insecure when he starts to take his own decisions. Decisions that will revolve around his "selfishness" for his own family.
Have these parents ever heard of the saying, "What you throw into the universe comes back to you magnified!!"

3. ADJUSTMENT PHASE:
Adjustment phase is the time, it takes the mind to adjust into a new environment.
Adjustment Phase Disorder (or Adjustment Disorder) is very high levels of sadness, fear, depression and anxiety that one suffers, if the adjustment phase fails. In great majority of cases this disorder requires medicines for cure.
The adjustment phase for daughter-in-law, would be anywhere between 1 - 2 years. But contrast to this, so called PROGRESSIVE HOUSEHOLDS give only a month or maximum two to their daughter-in-law. And the hardest part is that, during this time no one guides her, she has to learn on her own.
Statistically speaking, failure of adjustment phase leads the brain of many ladies into clinical levels of depression and anxiety - this is manifested as fear, sadness, anger and irritation.
TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY - the Indian households, the parents of the Husband, take care of this depression and anxiety by seeping in the IDIOTIC idea "HAVE A CHILD, EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE!!" No doubt we have reached 1.3 billion, and mental health illness is growing exponentially every year!!

4. LOVE OF DARK SIDE:
Everyone loves the dark side. It doesn't matter how rich or powerful one is, dark side always attracts them. It takes a lot of inner strength to stand against the Regressive thought process of the society.
In general, mother-in-laws treat their daughter-in-laws like "slaves". They decide on her daily routine, feel pride in giving her "holidays" and hand over a list of things she "demands" her parents to provide.
All this Stupidity is done in the name of "SOCIAL RULES".
Hardly a marginal percentage of people stand against this. Why?
The Dark Side is so very attractive and it is so very easy to like the negative.
Remember in childhood we were taught, "Bad habits come easily and are very difficult to go!"
It is so natural to like the Dark Side, and as a Big Joke, everyone prays to God for more of it!!!

5. STILL A BOY:
Husband is still a boy, not a man. Most men take a lot of time to mature. Maturity isn't related to physical age, but is related to the mental outlook. Most men behave as small boys, who are happy outsourcing their responsibilities to their parents.
A great number of men find marriage a legal way to have sex, someone to talk to and roam around with.
Most don't have the maturity to understand the emotional and social responsibility they have towards their wife.
Most are not ready to accept the changes that life demands once they get married.
Most men cannot stand up to their mother or father and fight for their wife. But they have one great trait, they create amazing "excuses" to run away from their responsibilities.

So Hard To Say 'I'm Sorry'

'I'm sorry', such a small phrase, seemingly easy enough to say, yet in marriage these words have a huge impact, whether said or especially, not said. Every couple has their marital battles, but I am willing to bet that if we all had the time to talk about these specific words there would be too much to say about them.

Couples often admit that in their marriage they want their spouses to say 'I’m sorry' more often.

In marriages couples often have lots of expectations from each other, and more so often due to these expectations they unknowingly hurt each other. But that's not the problem rather the beginning of problem.

Usually, in marriages when hurt, couples don't communicate with each other as to whether they have been hurt by each other or not, and how they have been hurt, instead they isolate themselves from each other, leaving them clues hoping they would see that things between them are not ok.

I suppose this is the “mind game” that people refer to, but I don't think these are the mind games. In all actuality, these are the expectations of husband and wife from each other, that they want to be understood by each other so much so that they want their spouses to notice even the slightest change in their behaviour, they want to be loved by each other, they want to be the centre of attention of each other during these times of emotional distress. Isn't that what love is all about? Isn't that what marriage is all about?

A husband or wife may not be willing to say 'I'm sorry', if they do not feel they were in the wrong, leaving the other person unresolved with their hurt feelings. Some may say them too fast, giving the impression they do not care about what happened, eager to move-on, again missing the point that feelings need to be validated.

Whichever way you typically respond to your spouse in your marital relationship, specifically with “I’m sorry,” the bottom line is that these words do need to be said, sincerely, and most likely often. Despite whose fault it is, the fact remains that feelings get hurt and need validation. The good news is that we have time to work on our approach to saying these words, and hopefully we will be great communicators in those crucially emotional times.

An apology is, and will always be incomplete without forgiveness, and unfortunately our cultures way of thinking is that we wait for an apology and then forgive.

Especially in Marriage, how often do couples wait for their spouses to apologise before giving forgiveness?

Forgiving your spouse even before they have done wrong and hurt you is a powerful depiction of sacrificial love! In marriage, if one can forgive their spouse even before they wrong them, they are then exemplifying the love at it's purest form! That’s powerful and very difficult to do; yet the reward is beyond words! The reward is lifetime of love, happiness and companionship.

Many times one may sit and contemplate whether their spouse deserves forgiveness. Forgiveness is not about what somebody deserves. It is powerful and life changing when given even when someone does not deserve it.

When you are in an argument with your spouse, a fight, or if you are hurting in any way because of your spouse, both of you need to stop and evaluate your love for each other, for above all, you love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of arguments and fights and misunderstandings.

Illogical Choices

The destinies of love and friendship have always been entwined with each other from the time immemorable. Lucky are those, whose friendship blossoms in to love and they live happily ever after. But mostly the fate does a rather sadistic dance on the destiny of love and friendship, making one person fall hopelessly in love and pseudo commanding the other person to break the friendship and the heart of other.

25 May, 2015

Anshika: We can't be friends anymore

Angad: Why can't we be friends?

Anshika: And we won't talk from now on

Angad: What? Why?

Anshika: Because I don't want to hurt you

Angad: What? How?

Anshika: You love me, and I don't feel the same for you. For me, we are just friends and that too not even close ones. And thanks to this weird love feeling of yours, we will never be close friends.

So, it is better for you if we don't talk to each other, it will save you from the pain.

Angad: That's a lame excuse.

Anshika: It's not an excuse. I know the pain of being in love when you don't get it back, and i don't want you to go through that pain, you are a dear friend.

Angad: Thanks for all the care, but your explanation is too naive and immature.

Anshika: How?

Angad: I am in love with you, and I want to spend each waking as well as sleeping moment of my life with you. And not being in touch with you, not being able to talk to you is going to be a living hell for me. You say you don't want to hurt me, but this action of yours is going to inflict tremendous pain on me and will hurt me beyond any measure.

I am not asking you to love me back, I am not that selfish. Also, I am not a fool to mistake love for business, in which profitable returns are necessary. Before I fell in love with you, we were friends, and  I don't want my feelings for you to change that and break our friendship. Let's just forget that I love you and be friends like we were before.

If you will be afraid to love, you will never be happy and will become the reason for pain and misery of people who love you. Accept love, and all the happiness in the world will bow down to you.

Ground Reality Of Love Jihad

The current Jihad against Love - for that is indeed what has gripped the imaginative fervour of the Hindu Right and its luxuriant undergrowths and counterparts - is only the latest and most visible instance of a virulent Indian misogyny. From its beginnings in the south to its tentacular spread in the north, the thick smoke screen of "love jihad" - by which Muslim men are alleged to have designs on Hindu women of an entirely dishonorable kind - disguises a far more familiar face, one that even many Muslims will recognise. It is a deep seated fear among many sections of Indian men that too many Indian women have taken control of their lives at a much faster pace than expected, show little patience for strictures of the past, and therefore need to be taught a quick lesson, and kept in place. What better strategy than to create a fear which will unite a seriously fractured society, and bring it back to its familiar, hierarchical whole?

At the least, two sets of recent developments have stoked the fears of an Indian patriarchy that is firmly entrenched in rich soils of religion, caste, region and class. December 16, 2012 ended the silence of women about sexual violence and harassments in schools, colleges, work places and even households. Angry, voluble Indian women showed no reluctance in taking journalists, slum dwellers, uncles, fathers, judges and teachers to court, or before sexual harassment committees. She talked, she argued, she wrote and she organised against that which had for too long been cloaked in the mysteries of silence.

Even more difficult for not only men but for some women too to accept were the recent signs of men and women breaking free of the stifling binds of the  official kinship. There was much publicised violence with which the Khap Panchayat reinserted women, and some men, into kinship relationships which they had rejected. To take some liberties with Foucault, an older "symbolis of blood" appeared to be giving way, slowly but surely, to a new "analytics of sex". The bloody violence of Khap Panchayat has been a warfare between generations and also between genders - beleaguered older and very Hindu patriarchs versus the young men and women who risked a great deal in dreaming of caring, sharing partners and a less hierarchical life. The ferocity of Khap Panchayat attacks on these men and women, and prevarications of a state which did not doubt the moral authority of these actions, has done a little to deter these daily transgressions.

These kind of developments could not have come at a worse time for those whose generational and gender authority is being challenged. The time was ripe for fostering a new and more threatening fantasy to bring the strays back to the fold. As long as the fantasies of inter-caste or cross-caste relationships were confined to the silver screens, women's 'khushi' was not interrupted. Real women are another matter - they are often "loved" to death by men who, once spurned, wield the axe, knife or acid bottle with deadly skill. Indian cinema has nurtured this version of loving, a unidirectional flow of feelings from man to woman, whose outcomes - eventual female acquiescence - are always predicted.

On the other hand, Indian feminism's very success has produced some contradictory outcomes. An ever eager and sophisticated state has altered its laws, policies and plans to accommodate the language of women's aspirations. The corporate world has found it convenient to borrow the language of feminism to reach a large and ready pool of independent consumers. For some time now, International Women's Day has been another hallmark moment. For a while, even Hindu right wing parties chose to adopt the slogans and battle cries of Indian feminism. Yet, the public life is replete with irresponsible utterances and outrageous actions, no protocols of political correctness are observed by the loose-lipped parliamentarians or legislators, judges or journalists, since there is no accompanying political cost.

Quite simply, many Indian women are no longer the passive bearers of caste, religious, ethnic or other meaning - but the makers of the meaning. That is surely a cause for dismay among those who feel their grip is loosening. Large numbers of women have gained a measure of independence, freedom from domestic tyrannies, and have won some economic and legal liberty. Straw polls, discouraging editorials and sensational headlines notwithstanding, these hard-won gains will not be diminished.

Hence need for a clarion call to place all Hindu women under a protection they did not demand; back to a lock up where they will be safe from the dangers of independent thinking and action. We should therefore take heart in these difficult times from the courage shown by judges of the Delhi High Court in naming a clear and present danger to married women, the matrimonial home. The judges, who have noted the frequency with which husbands are convicted for murder - no less than one in ten murder cases - have declared that even the streets of a dangerous city like Delhi may be safer for women than the private sphere of the home. This is a damning indictment indeed of a space which is constantly being saved from the vividly imagined dangers of "love and companionship".