Difficult Choices

Love, difficult as it is, may be because of its charm or its mysterious nature, fascinates almost each and everyone of us. Sometimes, unknowingly we are drawn towards it and before we realize this, we are actually in love with someone, whom we don't even think of in the wildest of our dreams. And when it dawns upon us that we are in love, we actually try to run away from it, as we are not able to understand it fully and also because love makes us unbelievingly strong.

14 February, 2012

Ananya : Angad, this is the last time, we are talking (Although, I don't want it to be the last time, I want to spend the rest of my life with you). You know, because of the differences that are going between you and Shubham sir, he has clearly told me not to talk to you and I just can't say no to what he says (I wish I could, but I can't, and I hope you will understand my position). Moreover, Anamika and her boyfriend Jatin, have also told me to stay away from you, and they are my best friends (I know I am making stupid excuses and that Jatin is a jerk and selfish person not worthy of being a friend, but, I am not able to understand as to why I love you, and when all these people are against you, it confuses the already confused mind of mines).

But, I assure you one thing, no matter what and where I am, during this time in the evening, as you say your time of the day, 7 pm to 9 pm, I will always look up in to the sky and watch the moon and think about all the things that we could have talked about and all the happy memories of the times we have spent together (I wish I could have been there with you and not on phone and that you could have hugged me and told me that I am not 'PARAI AMANAT', I am your 'AMANAT' and should have stopped me from breaking your heart and that I could have told you that I will always love you, and you alone).

29 November, 2012

Lavanya : I am really very much sorry Angad, for being rude with you earlier, but Ananya wanted me to hurt you, so that you will start hating her, but I know, you won't. The thing is, Ananya has been going through a very rough patch, and has become too much vulnerable and too rude at the same time. That's the reason I contacted you earlier and asked you to come back in her life. Although, she is my elder sister but her sense of judging people is really very much pathetic and I wanted you to be back in her life, so that you can bring stability in it. By the way, it's my birthday today, I turned sweet sixteen today (I hope I am not blushing too much).

Angad : Wow! Happy Birthday Sweetheart! Get yourself a chocolate truffle cake and lots of chocolates, dairymilk silk to be specific from my side.

And, you don't have to apologize for anything. I understand the position you were in. Stop worrying, and concentrate on your studies, I will try my level best to make sure Ananya smiles again. Maybe that's the best birthday gift I can give you.

Ananya : Why you want me to talk to Angad, Lavanya you know I can't talk to him, I have hurted him enough for one lifetime and I don't want to hurt him more, and moreover I can't go against Shubham sir's decision and he does not wants me to talk to him. I love him, I love him damn too much and that's the reason I don't want to hurt him (I am angry with God, and sad and depressed, that I have to make such difficult choices).

Lavanya : He loves you too, I know he does (And stupid, don't you worry about hurting him, he is much more stronger than the entire world). I have talked to him and I know he loves you much more than you love him. For the first time in your life, bet on the right person and you will be more than just happy and I can bet my life on that (Idiot! Just tell him you love him and see the magic that happens). Please!

If you will be afraid of love, you will never be happy, and you become the reason for misery of people who love you, accept love, and all the happiness in the world will bow down to you.

Falling In Love

Did you ever fall for someone you know you shouldn't?

I did!

Try hard to fight your feelings, but you just couldn't?

You fall deeper and deeper in love with each passing day, but try to hide it in every possible way.

'She is only a friend, and nothing else', that's the lie you keep telling yourself. You keep on saying she is just a bud, but deep inside, you're FALLING IN LOVE....!!!

Angad : Naina! You are elder to me... My brain suggests me not to fall in love with you, not to dream the future with 'U' and 'I' as 'US', not to think about the fabulous and happy moments we will have with our yet to be born kids, not to feel hopelessly attached to you, but heart says “Give it a try”.

Are you ready for TRIAL LOVE?

When I talk with you, I know the meaning of understanding.

When I laugh with you, I know the meaning of happiness.

When I touch you, I know the meaning of togetherness.

Whenever I am with you, I know the meaning of love.

All this while, you were all I thought about.

What had to happen has already happened, I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU.

Tried holding the time, but things were never meant to be.

And now I don’t know why it all fell apart, why did we fall when all we wanted was to rise?

I am sorry for being so emotional.

I am sorry for being so possessive.

I am sorry that I cry for you.

I am sorry because I can't live without you.

I am sorry for the tears you shed.

I am sorry for the damage I made.

I am sorry that I've made you sick.

Sorry I hurt you so deep.

I am sorry for your pain and agony.

I am sorry for my selfish love.

I am sorry for caring not enough.

I am sorry for that can't be cured.

I am sorry and sorry again.

But believe me that I LOVE U.

Should I say sorry for that too???

Why I Want You In My Life

My life has been a roller coaster ride with all the drama and the love and ofcourse with lots of hugs and kisses. And these hugs and kisses, made you go nuts and jealous and also made you question me a lot of times as to 'why it is just you that I want for a life partner?' Here are a few reasons as to why I want you in my life, and as to why I made you my life :

• To PROTECT YOU, when you are scared.

• To Stay Up all night with you, when you are sick.

• So that I can treat you like, you are all that REALLY MATTERS TO ME.

• To ask you WHAT'S WRONG, when you are all quiet and glum.

• To tell you that you are MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON, whenever I see you at your worst. Actually, no matter how you look, you are and you will be the most beautiful person for me.

• To give you ALL THE HAPPINESS in the world.

• So that I can HOLD YOUR HAND, when you grab mine, and play with your fingers.

• To tease you back, when you tease me, and MAKE YOU LAUGH.

• So that I can REASSURE YOU that everything is okay, when you don't answer for a long time. Frankly speaking, it kills me from inside when you don't answer.

• So that when I see you start crying, I can HOLD YOU and hug you tightly and tell you that you are my world, without even saying a single word.

• So that whenever you look at me with doubt, I can BACK MYSELF UP and tell you that I am yours and only YOURS.

• To keep your secrets SAFE AND UNTOLD, when you tell them to me.

• To make you believe that I LOVE YOU, more than you can ever understand, and tell you that I know YOU LOVE ME, more than I can ever understand.

• To STAY ON PHONE WITH YOU, even if you are not saying anything.

• So that when you are trying to act all tough, by trying to fight with me and curse me, I can kiss you and tell you that I LOVE YOU.

• So that I can KISS YOU, when you stare at my mouth.

• So that I can be careful of not talking about other girls, when YOU ARE AROUND ME.

• So that when you are mad at me, I can HUG YOU TIGHT and don't let go.

• So that I can GRAB YOU and don't let you go, when you push me or hit me like I am a dummy, cause you think you are stronger than I am.

• So that I can make you laugh by BUMPING BACK into you, when you bump into me.

• Because I believe that you want me to TALK TO YOU, when you say you are ok, but you are actually not.

• So that I LET YOU KEEP my favorite shirt and let you sleep with it, when you insist on doing so.

• To LOOK BACK into your eyes, when you look at me in my eyes, and not looking away until you do.

• To CALL YOU at 12:00 am on your birthday, to wish you happy birthday and tell you that I love you and that I am glad to have you in my life.

• So that when you run upto me crying, I can HUG YOU and hold you tight and reassure you that everything is going to be okay and that I am always with you and that I will always love you.

• So that I can watch your favorite movie WITH YOU or your favorite show, even if I think they are stupid.

• To let you WEAR MY CLOTHES.

• To HANG OUT WITH YOU, when you are bored and sad.

• So that when I see you walking away, I can sneak up from behind and HUG YOUR WAIST.

• So that I can KISS YOU and HUG YOU in the pouring rain.

• So that I can tell you and make you believe that YOU ARE MOST IMPORTANT person for me in the entire universe.

• To give you all MY ATTENTION, when you are ignoring me.

• To PULL YOU BACK, when you pull yourself away.

• So that I can tell you, that I know you and even though you say its all over, you still want me to be yours.

• So that I can PROMISE YOU TO BE YOURS for now and for always.

Life is too short to be wasted in quarrels and fights. And I hope each and everyone of you reading this will understand it, and get back to your love to love them more and more by every passing moment.

Why I Love You

Many a times, you have asked me as to 'why I love you?' and everytime I was like 'umm', 'aaa', 'mmm', frankly telling, I was completely blank then and had no answer. But being away from you, made me realize as to 'why I love you' and 'why you are the most important person to me in the entire world. Read on :

• Your smile brightens up the most dullest of my days. Not to forget, you have the most beautiful hair, I love their smell and texture. I am totally mesmerised by those big eyes of yours and your smile has me bamboozled. And when you hug me, its like time has come to a standstill and each and every problem has evaporated.

• You are the most beautiful person, for me. You look beautiful without any make-up, just the way you are. Nothing in the world is more tempting to me, than holding your sweet and bubbly face in my hands, looking deep into your eyes, admiring you and telling you how much I love you.

• I love what I become, when I am with you. You have the most positive and greatest impact on my life and my being. You are an indispensable part of my life. When I am with you, I am the best I can ever be, all thanks to you.

• You complete me. Our being together is the most wholesome and lovable thing that I can ever imagine. 

• You are my friend, companion, confidante, love and life. You are everything and anything that I could ever ask for. You are the most wonderful and amazing person that I have ever met.

And the list goes on and on and on. In the end, all I want to say is 'I LOVE YOU'.

Why I Miss You

Last time we talked, you asked me, as to why I miss you so much even now, and as to why I can't move on. At that time I was not able to tell you why I miss you, so here I am confessing the reasons as to why I miss you so much. Read on :

• When I'm all alone, sick or lost, I just need you to be with me, to hold me in your arms and make me feel ALIVE again.

• I miss waking up in the morning and finding your, 'Good Morning Love!' in my inbox.

• Also I miss waking up early in the morning to listen to your sweet and lovely voice saying, 'Uth Gaya Mera SHONA BABY . . ? ? ?'.

• I miss those small small fights, and saying, 'I am not gonna talk to you ever.' And still, checking my mobile phone again and again, to see if you have called me or messaged me.

• I miss waking up suddenly in the middle of the night and calling you, to talk to you till the break of the dawn.

• I miss those times, when I used to call you and it said, 'The user is busy with another call, please stay on line or call again later..!!!'.

• You know I used to get so very much frustrated and infuriated at those times, and also at the same time I used to feel so scared and insecure, that I might loose you. I miss you.

• I miss all those sweet memories and saying, Sorry Shona!!', after a fight. And then fighting again over whose mistake it was.

• I miss reading your cute cute texts and smiling idiotically and getting caught by friends and family.

• I miss seeing your face and becoming happy without any reason.

• I miss imagining my future life with you, hugging you, cuddling with you, talking to you, and spending my time and life with you.

And the list goes on and on. In the end all I want to say is, 'I MISS YOU and I LOVE YOU'.

Nowadays, people often say love hurts, love is fake, its unreal and what not. But, they haven't experienced what love is and are lost in a world of loneliness and selfishness. Love is just awesome, extra ordinary and brilliant. It makes you feel as if you are the most important person in the entire universe and that you are the entire universe for someone. So, enjoy being in love.

Innocent Questions

She was my destination

She was my path

Why then am I alone?

She came in with lots of love

Decided to stay in heart for always

Why then she walked away?

Heart questions why am I deserted

People were her worshipers

Was God her follower too?

For the first time, tried my hand on a nonnet, I hope it will be liked.

This one is for all the persons who want to question their loved ones as to why they are not in their lives anymore and why God has taken them away.

Big Fat Indian Wedding

They arrive, swathed in silk and smiles. And fish out a gold embossed thick, red card barely half a pleasantry later. Sometimes they whip out a pen and ask for full names. Uncertain smiles are exchanged, and card duly appreciated, while I try my level best to find out who or what the girl or the boy does, or where or she lives. And mom and dad pretend to admire the thick booklet of a card. Have these people considered that the card, which must have cost a bomb, is after all just informatory and not the work of art it is pretending to be and will be relegated to 'raddi' the very next day? I bet not.

Entreaties of 'You have to come!' and the earnest promise 'Of course, of course!' are exchanged before they leave and I wonder aloud, "How in the world am I gonna survive another get together with so many unknown people who are supposed to be my relatives?"

Mom too has her brow wrinkled, "I think I need to get a few dresses ready for the occasion. Are your dresses in order?" She tried to pass on the choice of attending the occasion on me but I back off quickly saying I will have to see if it fits in my schedule. So the moot question is, should I go? Like the idiot who never learns, bowled over by the anxious entreaties, I decide in favour.

Dressed in unfamiliar finery, one reaches the venue after a long traffic jam compounded by 'baraatis' moving at a speed calculated to shame a tortoise! The singer bells out the old and new songs with abundant panache and the dancing baraatis give intruding cars dirty looks, 'what business do cars have on road when they are there?'

Bypassing them is tough, but clever maneuvering sees us through and we find ourselves inside. The rest is a cake walk. Hand over the precious 'lifafa' to somebody keeping a meticulous list of gifts and walk over guiltlessly to the food side. Meeting or greeting the family? They have already bid us a hurried 'Namastey' before rushing off to tend to more urgent things than the invited guests. Wishing the new couple? The bride hasn't arrived from the parlour yet and the groom is still surrounded by his drunken dancing friends. Food seems to be the only logical solution and we get over the awkwardness of helping ourselves by socially asking some other  guests whether they have eaten. And leading the way to the most crowded part of the place.

Pandemonium prevails here as the service is slow and demand huge. Despite the mile long table and the cuisines on it, its a minor achievement getting a hot roti on your plate and getting out of the mad rush without a kid dropping an ice cream or a dollop of greasy daal on ur dress. The only thing you want by that time is to get out of the place.

Another tussle with the traffic and we are home! But if you think that's the end of your trouble, you have not accounted for the queasiness of the next morning. And cursing the green chutney, the curd - or was it the kulfi?

I remember nostalgically the days when society didn't judge you from the amount you blew on a wedding. Or how many guests you invited. The fresh fragrance of the marigold bedecked doorways and sandalwood adorned brides still linger in the memory, so far removed from the starchy orchids or the beauty out of cookie cutter parlours.

I must be getting really old or rather classical, for I also remember happiness, and not makeup lighting faces around me, the simple sitdown meals served lovingly on huge 'thaals' and people actually knowing their invitees!