'I'm sorry', such a small phrase, seemingly easy enough to say, yet in marriage these words have a huge impact, whether said or especially, not said. Every couple has their marital battles, but I am willing to bet that if we all had the time to talk about these specific words there would be too much to say about them.
Couples often admit that in their marriage they want their spouses to say 'I’m sorry' more often.
In marriages couples often have lots of expectations from each other, and more so often due to these expectations they unknowingly hurt each other. But that's not the problem rather the beginning of problem.
Usually, in marriages when hurt, couples don't communicate with each other as to whether they have been hurt by each other or not, and how they have been hurt, instead they isolate themselves from each other, leaving them clues hoping they would see that things between them are not ok.
I suppose this is the “mind game” that people refer to, but I don't think these are the mind games. In all actuality, these are the expectations of husband and wife from each other, that they want to be understood by each other so much so that they want their spouses to notice even the slightest change in their behaviour, they want to be loved by each other, they want to be the centre of attention of each other during these times of emotional distress. Isn't that what love is all about? Isn't that what marriage is all about?
A husband or wife may not be willing to say 'I'm sorry', if they do not feel they were in the wrong, leaving the other person unresolved with their hurt feelings. Some may say them too fast, giving the impression they do not care about what happened, eager to move-on, again missing the point that feelings need to be validated.
Whichever way you typically respond to your spouse in your marital relationship, specifically with “I’m sorry,” the bottom line is that these words do need to be said, sincerely, and most likely often. Despite whose fault it is, the fact remains that feelings get hurt and need validation. The good news is that we have time to work on our approach to saying these words, and hopefully we will be great communicators in those crucially emotional times.
An apology is, and will always be incomplete without forgiveness, and unfortunately our cultures way of thinking is that we wait for an apology and then forgive.
Especially in Marriage, how often do couples wait for their spouses to apologise before giving forgiveness?
Forgiving your spouse even before they have done wrong and hurt you is a powerful depiction of sacrificial love! In marriage, if one can forgive their spouse even before they wrong them, they are then exemplifying the love at it's purest form! That’s powerful and very difficult to do; yet the reward is beyond words! The reward is lifetime of love, happiness and companionship.
Many times one may sit and contemplate whether their spouse deserves forgiveness. Forgiveness is not about what somebody deserves. It is powerful and life changing when given even when someone does not deserve it.
When you are in an argument with your spouse, a fight, or if you are hurting in any way because of your spouse, both of you need to stop and evaluate your love for each other, for above all, you love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of arguments and fights and misunderstandings.