Stubborn Choices!

Things were not going smooth for Bhavana, she was having trouble from her family and was having thoughts of leaving her love for her family, actually she was confused if she loves Angad anymore or not.

To break the news of separation to him, she decides to call him.

Bhavana : I guess that's the end of our relationship, bye!

Angad was happy to hear Bhavana's voice after so long that tears of happiness started welling from his eyes, but soon those tears of happiness gave way to the shock that precedented the news of separation and that too in Bhavana's own voice. And all he could mumble was, "What?"

As if it didn't mattered to her that she can have a future with Angad or not, she replied in a very formal and mechanical way, "I don't think things will ever work out between us, this is the end of everything between."

"What's the matter? Talk to me."

"There is nothing to talk, we are no more a couple."

"What happened?"

"Nothing. I have realised that all we have between us is love, and because of that love I can't hurt my parents, they will never ever agree for us."

"We will try and make them see things from our point."

"No, we won't. I am through with us, I don't wanna hurt them."

Once again tears were welling from Angad's eyes and this time they were not of happiness but of pain and hurt, he was so much in pain that he wanted to disappear from the face of earth, he wanted to vapourise in to thin air and get inhaled as oxygen by Bhavana, and be with her forever. But love of his life was no more his. And torn between his love for her, and the pain caused by it, he wasn't able to speak a thing, all he could muster were feeble mumbles that made some sense to Bhavana and she spoke again.

"I gave a word to my parents that I will never ever talk to you, and won't contact you in any way."

Gathering all the courage he had, Angad wiped away the tears, thought of all the dreams he and Bhavana had seen together, and then with the confidence of a man and determination of a lover, spoke very firmly, "I gave a word too, actually I promised you that I will never ever stop loving you, even if the death parts us then also I will keep loving you, and both of us know that I never break the promises I make. I loved you, I love you, and I will always love you. Though you have decided to part ways with me, but I will always be with you like the sky over you, and if ever you need me, just whisper my name and and I will be there holding you in my arms. You can fulfil your words to your parents, and I will keep my promise to you. You are my love not some chocolate that I will stop having. I love you with all my heart and as of today, loving you is my reality."

Bhavana disconnected the call without a single word, and once again tears found their from Angad's eyes to his cheeks all the way down to his chin.

So Hard To Say 'I'm Sorry'

'I'm sorry', such a small phrase, seemingly easy enough to say, yet in marriage these words have a huge impact, whether said or especially, not said. Every couple has their marital battles, but I am willing to bet that if we all had the time to talk about these specific words there would be too much to say about them.

Couples often admit that in their marriage they want their spouses to say 'I’m sorry' more often.

In marriages couples often have lots of expectations from each other, and more so often due to these expectations they unknowingly hurt each other. But that's not the problem rather the beginning of problem.

Usually, in marriages when hurt, couples don't communicate with each other as to whether they have been hurt by each other or not, and how they have been hurt, instead they isolate themselves from each other, leaving them clues hoping they would see that things between them are not ok.

I suppose this is the “mind game” that people refer to, but I don't think these are the mind games. In all actuality, these are the expectations of husband and wife from each other, that they want to be understood by each other so much so that they want their spouses to notice even the slightest change in their behaviour, they want to be loved by each other, they want to be the centre of attention of each other during these times of emotional distress. Isn't that what love is all about? Isn't that what marriage is all about?

A husband or wife may not be willing to say 'I'm sorry', if they do not feel they were in the wrong, leaving the other person unresolved with their hurt feelings. Some may say them too fast, giving the impression they do not care about what happened, eager to move-on, again missing the point that feelings need to be validated.

Whichever way you typically respond to your spouse in your marital relationship, specifically with “I’m sorry,” the bottom line is that these words do need to be said, sincerely, and most likely often. Despite whose fault it is, the fact remains that feelings get hurt and need validation. The good news is that we have time to work on our approach to saying these words, and hopefully we will be great communicators in those crucially emotional times.

An apology is, and will always be incomplete without forgiveness, and unfortunately our cultures way of thinking is that we wait for an apology and then forgive.

Especially in Marriage, how often do couples wait for their spouses to apologise before giving forgiveness?

Forgiving your spouse even before they have done wrong and hurt you is a powerful depiction of sacrificial love! In marriage, if one can forgive their spouse even before they wrong them, they are then exemplifying the love at it's purest form! That’s powerful and very difficult to do; yet the reward is beyond words! The reward is lifetime of love, happiness and companionship.

Many times one may sit and contemplate whether their spouse deserves forgiveness. Forgiveness is not about what somebody deserves. It is powerful and life changing when given even when someone does not deserve it.

When you are in an argument with your spouse, a fight, or if you are hurting in any way because of your spouse, both of you need to stop and evaluate your love for each other, for above all, you love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of arguments and fights and misunderstandings.