Happy Birthday Baby.!!

"Wow, how long has it been since we have been with each other?" Lavanya asked him, taking another bite from her pizza.

"This friday, it will be three years," Angad told her and smiled.

Lavanya laughed briefly, "What happened to that playboy I met years ago who had to get into another relationship right after getting in to one?"

"Well," said Angad and took a bite from his chocolate dessert, "that playboy became thirty today."

Lavanya grinned, "You have grown up now?"

Angad shook his head, "Nah, and I never will, but everyone around me has grown up."

"What do you mean?" Lavanya frowned.

Angad looked deep in her eyes, "Remember back in college, when dating meant just dating? When it was just about having fun! You had no idea what would happen and in a way, you didn't want to know. Because sometimes, not knowing is fun. It was just so exciting. Now, the definition of dating has changed."

"As in?" Lavanya said, now ignoring the food on the table and getting more engrossed in the conversation she was having.

Angad frowned, "Like you don't know."

Lavanya smiled, "No, I don't know, please tell me", and batted her eyes.

Angad sighed, "Dating is still fun but it is not the same anymore. 'My parents want to see you.' 'Will our parents approve of our marriage?' 'How are we going to get married?' 'Are we going to follow your customs to get married or ours?' 'Will society approve this inter-religion marriage?' God, it's all about what others will think when we will get married."

Lavanya looked at him confused, "That's wrong?"

Angad shook his head, "Of course, it is not wrong. It just isn't, you know, what I want."

"What do you want?"

Angad took Lavanya's hand in his and smiled, "To be in love without worrying for what others think of us."

Lavanya didn't even blink her eyes, "I am not sure I understand you."

Without breaking the eye contact Angad continued, "Why do you think people want to be with each other? Because they are in love. Marriage, having kids; it's moving forward. Moving forward with a person you're in love with. Anybody can fall in love, but very few people have guts to be committed to that person for a life time. Right?"

"Yes"

"So, if we love each other, and want to be with each other, than what business others have with that. I love you, you love me, and we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other. It doesn't matter how we get married, as long as we are getting married and are happy with each other. It doesn't matter what my distant relatives think of you as my life partner or whether your relatives approve me to be your life partner or not. What matters is whether we are happily in love with each other or not. It doesn't matter if we are following different religions, all religions preach love, and our love for each other is above each and every religion in the world. Our parents have a right to be worried for our future, but they shouldn't be the one to decide whether we should get married or not, or how we will live after getting married. That decision is solely ours, and ours alone, not mine not yours, but ours. And most importantly, the only deciding factor on marriage should be our love for each other and nothing else."

Lavanya took a deep breath and finally spoke, "Is that what you want?"

Angad smiled, "No honey, I want us to be together in love with each other. I want to be busy; busy living my life with you, busy loving you the way I love. I want to travel every corner of this world and I don't want to travel alone. I want to travel with someone I love, and that's you. I want you to be beside me, living the moment as it is - not worrying about what we would be tomorrow. Not worrying if society will label us as outcasts. I agree, society matters. But they don't matter as much as our love for each other. I don't want us to get married for the society, I want us to get married for our love, I want us to get married for ourselves. I want us to get married, have kids, settle down and be together, be in love."

Angad sighed and continued, "Marriage is not just a ceremony, or papers. It is not just a wedding. You hold hand to show your affection, you kiss because that makes sense in love. You marry not because you have to, because you want to, because it's just another way of showing affection, another way of declaring you are in love. It's not a promise of being together for the rest of your lives, it's only if you spend the rest of your lives together, you realise that it was a promise. Another beautiful start to an already beautiful journey. You don't wake up just to a person you love, you wake to your wife or husband the next morning, a person you dreamt of waking up next to, since you were old enough to love."

Angad looked deep in Lavanya's eyes and said, "I am in love with you, and I cannot stop loving you. After marriage, I might be a jerk and fight with you over silly things, I may be irresponsible and get home late at night, while you will be awake waiting for me. I might pamper our kids a lot, to the point of spoiling them. But I am sure of one thing, I will never fail as a husband or a father. I will love you and our kids, more than anyone else in the entire universe.

There will never come a day in our life when you will get tired of cooking three meals for us, as I will be helping you cook them. There will never come a day in our life when you will turn to opposite direction fuming in anger before sleeping, as I will always hug you and kiss before sleeping and make you sleep in my arms.

When there will be wrinkles on your face and grey hair on your head, and you won't remember how many days are there in a week. I will make you sit on my lap, hug you tight and show you photographs of all the happy times we have spent together, and make you smile.

Lavanya smiled and tears found their way to her cheeks, "If things are supposed to go this way, then trust me, no matter what others say or think, things will go this way. I love you and I am always with you."

Lavanya leaned towards Angad, her lips found his and an electric current ran through their bodies, "Happy birthday baby!"

Loving Me, Is Perfectly Imperfect Love!

Don’t love me by saying, “I love you”.

Love me with each and every touch of yours; love me by being there for me. Break the stereotypes, and love me by wiping my tears away, as the walls come down that I spent years crafting. Love me in the small bits, like when you hold my hand when it’s damp, because I get nervous when I get vulnerable.

Love all my imperfections, love me in all my wrongness - because it’s in those moments when I let down my shield, and it's in those very moments that I want you to hold me tighter, and make me believe that you understand what it means to truly love me, to be responsible for me.

When you commit to me - don’t just say the words, mean them and believe in us.

Try and value me, understand me - because when we’re together I want you to feel stupendous, glad, excited, elated and above all I want you to feel complete. I want you to feel my love for you, know that I appreciate your beauty, and believe in your genuineness and that you can never ever be replaced in my life, I love you.

When you’re with me — when you commit yourself to me — then don’t have your eyes wandering at the options. Because you should know and understand that those options are bullshit - it’s all an illusion, it’s just your ego saying, “I want the intangible more,” and your fears saying, “I’m not ready to be so happy, to be vulnerable.”

But in your heart you should know, you don’t really need another option, that I am not an option but your destiny.

I should be the one in your heart, and you should be smart enough to know that none of those “options” will truly satisfy you, make you feel inspired, alive or understood.

Love isn’t perfect, nor am I.

Love is listening to me when I speak, whispering words of reassurance in my ear when I am troubled, because you should believe I am not broken, just bent.

Love isn’t shiny and perfect. Love is raw. Love is the 3am fights that we have, the reddened eyes full of emotion, the intense conversations that makes us feel understood, that challenge us, push us to think and be better.

Love is frustrating the shit out of each other and then stopping to gaze at each other because we know, this is the problem we want to have.

Love is making an effort for it when you have found it.

You should not be worried about the future, because you should understand that "more" is just an illusion. You should aspire to build this love. You should not be worried about settling down, because you should know that dating me is not the end of your liberty - it’s the beginning of it.

Love is not filtered. Love is living the fuck out of your life with me. Love doesn’t get discarded for the next hit. Loving me means making an effort for me; taking me on a crazy adventure, giving me your time, your understanding.

Loving me means remaining faithful when things aren’t working in that moment, when I fall on hard times, when I struggle, and when there’s doubt in your heart.

Quite frankly, you are my dream girl, the one who tore down my walls; the one I hesitantly show that part of me that is dark, vulnerable, and I expect you to still love me. You are the one I let in, because I know you are worth the risk. And I won’t risk losing you because of my pride, fears, ego or selfish ways.

Truly loving me means putting us first; inspiring us to reach for more, taking the risk to not put one foot out the line, loving me so much that you won't betray me, because you won't let your demons ruin this - this raw, perfectly imperfect love.

Just This Something

When Sun rays touch you

Just imagine this something for me

Think of me as Sun, send your love to me

When it rains there

Just imagine this something for me

Think of me as rain, smile at it for me

When air brushes against your face

Just imagine this something for me

Think of me as air, kiss it for me

When I am fast asleep

Just do this something for me

Keep coming in my dreams for me

Whether I say something or not

Just do this something for me

Always keep listening to me

Whether you see me or not

Just do this something for me

Always feel you to be part of me

Whether I am with you or not

Just do this something for me

Always remain somewhere within me

I wanna say just this something

I love you just more than anything

Stubborn Choices!

Things were not going smooth for Bhavana, she was having trouble from her family and was having thoughts of leaving her love for her family, actually she was confused if she loves Angad anymore or not.

To break the news of separation to him, she decides to call him.

Bhavana : I guess that's the end of our relationship, bye!

Angad was happy to hear Bhavana's voice after so long that tears of happiness started welling from his eyes, but soon those tears of happiness gave way to the shock that precedented the news of separation and that too in Bhavana's own voice. And all he could mumble was, "What?"

As if it didn't mattered to her that she can have a future with Angad or not, she replied in a very formal and mechanical way, "I don't think things will ever work out between us, this is the end of everything between."

"What's the matter? Talk to me."

"There is nothing to talk, we are no more a couple."

"What happened?"

"Nothing. I have realised that all we have between us is love, and because of that love I can't hurt my parents, they will never ever agree for us."

"We will try and make them see things from our point."

"No, we won't. I am through with us, I don't wanna hurt them."

Once again tears were welling from Angad's eyes and this time they were not of happiness but of pain and hurt, he was so much in pain that he wanted to disappear from the face of earth, he wanted to vapourise in to thin air and get inhaled as oxygen by Bhavana, and be with her forever. But love of his life was no more his. And torn between his love for her, and the pain caused by it, he wasn't able to speak a thing, all he could muster were feeble mumbles that made some sense to Bhavana and she spoke again.

"I gave a word to my parents that I will never ever talk to you, and won't contact you in any way."

Gathering all the courage he had, Angad wiped away the tears, thought of all the dreams he and Bhavana had seen together, and then with the confidence of a man and determination of a lover, spoke very firmly, "I gave a word too, actually I promised you that I will never ever stop loving you, even if the death parts us then also I will keep loving you, and both of us know that I never break the promises I make. I loved you, I love you, and I will always love you. Though you have decided to part ways with me, but I will always be with you like the sky over you, and if ever you need me, just whisper my name and and I will be there holding you in my arms. You can fulfil your words to your parents, and I will keep my promise to you. You are my love not some chocolate that I will stop having. I love you with all my heart and as of today, loving you is my reality."

Bhavana disconnected the call without a single word, and once again tears found their from Angad's eyes to his cheeks all the way down to his chin.

Please Come Back To Me

I wish you would come back to me
I am so lonely without you
Please come back to me, I miss you

I have never felt so weak in my life
But today I am heartbroken
Please come back to me, you're my strength

You're the source of my motivation
Hold me in your arms, and don't let me fall
Please come back to me, you're my inspiration

I am not used to live without you
Every moment seems a curse without you
Please come back to me, I love you

Time has stopped for me
Before my heartbeat stops
Please come back to me

Sometimes some unfortunate things happen in life, and we lose those who we think are a part of our life. All the dreams, all the future plans come back to us in form of memories and haunt us. The loss of losing our loved ones is tremendous, and kills us slowly for the remainder of our lives.

Illogical Choices

The destinies of love and friendship have always been entwined with each other from the time immemorable. Lucky are those, whose friendship blossoms in to love and they live happily ever after. But mostly the fate does a rather sadistic dance on the destiny of love and friendship, making one person fall hopelessly in love and pseudo commanding the other person to break the friendship and the heart of other.

25 May, 2015

Anshika: We can't be friends anymore

Angad: Why can't we be friends?

Anshika: And we won't talk from now on

Angad: What? Why?

Anshika: Because I don't want to hurt you

Angad: What? How?

Anshika: You love me, and I don't feel the same for you. For me, we are just friends and that too not even close ones. And thanks to this weird love feeling of yours, we will never be close friends.

So, it is better for you if we don't talk to each other, it will save you from the pain.

Angad: That's a lame excuse.

Anshika: It's not an excuse. I know the pain of being in love when you don't get it back, and i don't want you to go through that pain, you are a dear friend.

Angad: Thanks for all the care, but your explanation is too naive and immature.

Anshika: How?

Angad: I am in love with you, and I want to spend each waking as well as sleeping moment of my life with you. And not being in touch with you, not being able to talk to you is going to be a living hell for me. You say you don't want to hurt me, but this action of yours is going to inflict tremendous pain on me and will hurt me beyond any measure.

I am not asking you to love me back, I am not that selfish. Also, I am not a fool to mistake love for business, in which profitable returns are necessary. Before I fell in love with you, we were friends, and  I don't want my feelings for you to change that and break our friendship. Let's just forget that I love you and be friends like we were before.

If you will be afraid to love, you will never be happy and will become the reason for pain and misery of people who love you. Accept love, and all the happiness in the world will bow down to you.

Letting Go

Heena is getting married to a guy, whom her parents chose for her, but she is madly in love with Angad.

To break this news to him, she decides to meet him at his place.

Heena: I love you, and can't live without you. But...
Angad: Love you too shona baby!

Heena embraces Angad in a tight hug and kept hugging him tighter and tighter. Angad sensed that something has gone awfully wrong, and broke the hug. He made her sit on his lap, took her face in his hands, locked his eyes with hers, and spoke with love, "I am always with you sweetheart, you can tell me what's bothering you?"

She hugged him again, "I am getting married."

Angad's heart stopped beating, and a tear traced itself on his left cheek. For the first time, there was an awkward silence between them, in which Heena's heart was thumping loudly and Angad's was losing its beats.

Finally, with a lot of courage Angad spoke "Then, I guess, this is the last time we are meeting as 'US'."

"No, don't even think of that, I love you and we will meet like we are meeting now."

"What?"

Once again Angad broke the hug, made her stand and steadied himself too, paced along the length of the room a few times, not caring of the tears that were welling from his eyes. Then, he made her sit on the chair, and sat on his knees himself; took her hands in his, and spoke with the confidence of a grown up man who is madly in love.

"Let's tell your parents about us!"

"I can't, they won't understand."

"They will, we will make them understand, we will convince them for our marriage."

"You don't know my parents."

"But, I know how much we love each other."

"I can't tell them." There was a long pause and she spoke again, "I am getting married to the guy of their choice. And I love you and can't live without you. So, we will have to meet like this only. I am yours, and will always be."

"I can't do this. I don't want to be the reason for your infidelity to your husband. Either you are mine or you are not."

"I am yours only, but I can't go against my parents."

"And, I can't share you with anyone. Even that thought kills me. It's like dying thousands and thousands of deaths at a time, and living again, only to die again."

"I l-l-love you" she said, with trembling lips.

"I love you too, and I am ready to face the entire world for you, if only you have the courage to hold my hand."

"My parents will kill you."

"Death will be a piece of cake compared to the pain I am in."

"I am yours, and I will always be with you, He will be my husband for the world, but I am and will always be yours."

"Sorry!"

"You, yourself said that our destinies are entwined with each other. And moreover, we always find each other in the end, even if we don't want to." She said this with a hope to change his decision and make him ignore his principles.

"They were entwined; we used to find each other. But, from this moment on, I am fighting against the fates."

"Are you breaking up with me?" she asked with a disheartened voice.

"I am letting you go." Angad replied with the calmness that precedes the storm.

"Is it breakup?"

"Hold my hand, and I will make it certain that our parents bless us for our marriage. Don't make that effort and I am sure I won't see you again."

"So, this is it. You are breaking up with me." She spoke with anger

"No, it means I am waiting for you to be mine, I am waiting for you to declare our love to your parents and to the world. I am yours and will always be, I am waiting for you to make an effort for us, and when you will do that, you will find me beside you. I will accept you even after you have become a mother to 3 or 4 kids, I will accept you even after you are grandmother to 16 or 17 kids. But, I won't accept you, when you're someone else's life partner."

"I will kill myself; I will commit suicide, if you ever said you will break up with me."

With a heavy heart Angad replied with an uncertain firmness in his voice, "you can't scare me with these blank threats."

"I love you, please don't do this" pleaded Heena.

"Relationships demand time and effort, and you are not willing to invest either, but you want to reap the benefits of the relationship with these threats of killing yourself. You are not scared of losing me; it is just that you have become habitual of sharing everything with me, I am like a diary to you. You are not scared of losing me; you are scared of losing an ear to your colloquy. You are not scared of losing me; you are scared if you will ever find a shoulder to cry on. You are not scared of losing me; you are scared if that guy will treat you like I do. You are just not scared of losing me."

"That's not true." spoke Heena, although she knew herself that she was lying.

"You can't lie to me, so don't lie to yourself too."

There was silence, an uncertain calmness in that silence, and that calmness was indicative of the tears that will be shed not from Angad's eyes, but from his heart. Angad went to the door, gathered his remaining courage, opened the door and spoke, "This is the last time you are seeing me. Don't expect any replies from me. Take care." And he gestured her to leave while his heart bled out tears of blood.


Love isn't about forcefully having someone with whom you feel comfortable. It is about putting lots and lots of effort and time in understanding someone, their needs, their dreams, and make them your own, so that they can be happy, even if they are not with you.